Warning: South Asian English!

Most of us from South Asia follow the standard dialect of the English language as written in the United Kingdom, the British English.  I have red lines drawn by the very efficient Microsoft Word whenever I write humour, colour, honour, Saviour, behaviour, centre, fibre, paediatric, and oestrogen the British way.  But in the South Asian subcontinent, we have far more serious problems understanding what someone is trying to say in English. The following are some examples:

I was looking for a Beauty Parlour (red line again!) and I came across this sign- Experience Beautysun, come!  I was not sure if I could trust her with my hair!

On another occasion, I came across this sign- Free Dogs Childrens- Dog boys, Dog girls!  Come all!  

I had a parent of one of my teens say earnestly, “thank you so much!  You gave so much cow-ledge to my son!” It took me a while to figure it out before responding, “You’re welcome!  But the K in ‘knowledge’ is silent!!!” 

I once asked those who were going to go for a tour to put their hands up.  A very sincere teen said, “Ma’am, I putted my hand up! You no see!” I get really worried during these times whether I would forget the little English that I happen to know!

These are some interesting signboards seen by people here and there!

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Doctor, it looks like some psychopath is going to treat the patient!

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Tasted???!!!  Are you sure???!!!

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Porn on the streets!

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No one would dare to shoplift with such a harsh punishment! 

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If I was a tourist, I’d want to cry after seeing this sign!

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Is it solid tea everywhere else???!!!

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I told my son that this is where they take all the naughty boys of the world!

But the beauty of it all is that some of the world’s most intelligent people come from south Asia.  English is just a language. It can be mastered if one has the desire to do so. It’s your intelligence that defines you.  I’ll go and pick a dog boy now!!! It’s free!!! 


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